Today is a time to set efficient limits in a kind and positive atmosphere to benefit everyone. This may be a big change in your behavior but your children will very soon see the benefits of a happier and more relaxed mum who then is more keen to play with them, to listen, to support and love!
On one hand, your children may experience strong emotions, like jealousy, anger or sadness: take time to listen, to welcome those emotions, to let them explain what happened and what their needs are. They will feel safe and secure.
On the other hand, keep in mind four behaviors than need to be channeled with appropriate limits:
1- Your child wants all the attention
Here your child expresses that he wants your attention to be reassured you love him.
The solution is to give him tasks to feel useful and to see that he benefits the community.
You can also agree on a sign to show him love even if you are on the phone, something to express “I can’t talk to you right now but I don’t forget you, I love you, let me have a few
minutes and I will be with you.”
2- Your child fights, wants the power
Here your child wants to decide, to be in charge, to have the control.
The solution is to rely on the routine and to give appropriate choices, choices that are all a
good option for you. For example you can offer your child to choose his clothes. Check together the weather and offer reasonable choices. You may not want your child to wear
shorts if it is 5 degree outside ;-)
3- Your child takes revenge
Your child is behaving like if he thinks “you won this time but you can’t decide for me and
next time I will win / you will not see me / I will not get caught”.
Here your child tries to express his pain. This is tough for parents as you will not be keen to
support someone who seems to prefer hurting you or their siblings or who would not follow the rules, but your child needs to be listened to, to be trusted, to be encouraged.
Celebrate improvements. Why not use a drawing and put a leaf on a tree each time he has offered his help, worked nicely, helped the little one, etc. You will both be happy to see this tree blossom!
4- Your child always asks for help
As a parent you will pay attention to support and teach skills. But some children are always
scared of not doing well. Thus they are always asking for help.
The solution is not to feel sorry, encourage, show it is important to have a go even if it doesn’t work at first, set accessible objectives and celebrate small successes.
Here are some keys. It is not about controlling everything, it is about helping your child to grow and being able to rely on you, to have strong roots for his adult life. You are not the boss, you are the one who educates, the one in charge of helping them to become who they are. This will change the atmosphere in your home. Today is a great moment to make a step toward a more peaceful and joyful relationship.
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