Good news, you have decided to stop yelling at your children. The thing is, you may have taken this decision dozens of time with no results… Putting an end to shouting at your children will not happen by magic, but here you will find 4 essential keys to unlock the situation and start the change.
I can assure you that they work. I used to shout as well… and I began my journey to redemption, step by step, and now, I won’t say I am perfect, I know it can happen again, but I would say that I could lose it once in weeks! So, I promise, it is possible fix this and Radiance is here to support you. To save you having to try hundreds of competing theories on the subject, I offer you 4 actions you must take, if your goal is to stop yelling at your children.
When you shout at your children, it is likely that you end up feeling disappointed, upset, sad or maybe even depressed. Believe me when I tell you that shouting is not at all effective. Your children may either be left frozen in fear or may even end up behaving even worse. The time has come for you to put a stop to this.
1- Find the why
Why do you want to stop shouting at your children? You have just read some good reasons above but you need to find your own reasons. You now know shouting is not a good option. OK. However, you need to arrive at a deeper reason for you to consider having a different kind of relationship with your children? What is your inner voice telling you? This little voice knows why it is crucial for you to start the change. Is it because you don’t want to see fear in their eyes? Could it be because you want them to feel free to talk to you not being scared of being turned away? Is it because you remember being shouted at, and how it made you feel and now you don’t want your children to have to face the same treatment?
If you connect your intension and your willingness to stop shouting at your children, with the emotions you experience after any incident, and the deeper reasons why you want to change this behavior, then your brain will remember far better, and the moment you know you are about to start shouting again, you will be able to reconnect yourself to your preferred way to respond.
2- Observe one week from an outside point of view
For a week, I want you to observe your family as if you were external - like an onlooker - to the situation. Imagine yourself to be a third-party onlooker, and from that stand point, you will need to gain an in-depth understanding of your shouting episodes. When you shout, ask yourself these questions:
* In what situations are you easily fed up that make you start to yell?
* What moments of the day are you more likely to shout?
* Does it happen more with one child than another?
* Is there something harder for you to deal with (doing homework, if a child is cheating in a game, if your eldest one is hurting the little one, if your child is breaking his/her toys, if your child is being impertinent…)?
These questions would help you arrive at an objective list of circumstances that set you off. In making this list, try to be frank in your observations while at the same time being gentle with yourself, as you identify the triggers. At the end of the week, by the time you are done with this exercise, you would be armed with the situations you will need to work on to achieve your goal.
3- Seek out solutions
If you used to shout a lot, before beginning your search for solutions to your trigger situations, it would be worthwhile to inform your family of your decision to change, letting them know that you need their support. They may find this weird but as long as you let them know that you want the situation to change for the benefit the whole family, then everyone will be more likely to support you and walk along with you on your journey. Your children may be reticent, not sure if it is real or not. If this is the case, you may want to acknowledge to them that you are not perfect, but that you are committed to bringing more peace into your home. They will soon see that you mean what you say and the outcome would be beneficial for everyone.
With your family onboard with you, it is time to seek out solutions to those conditions that set you off. Working on the different situations listed in the previous section, you have to find solutions to improve those specific moments when you are more likely to shout. It could be a solution involving only yourself (put away your favorite knickknack to avoid yelling at your 2-year-old child). On the other hand, it could be a solution involving someone else (your partner, your children, one child specifically). Seeking solutions that involve others requires a bit of reaching out, as you are more likely going to need to decide what to change as a team. We can discuss how to solve problems in greater details during a separate Radiance session.
Write down your choices to be able to be consistent with what you have decided. Remember the first section and be determined to implement your decisions. Keep in mind that if you solve these situations, you will expectedly shout far less. And this first giant step will motivate you to carry on.
4- Express your love and tenderness
You are now on the path to shouting less. Express your love and tenderness to your loved ones. They will be keener to support you and accept you the way you are. Especially if they see you are working on yourself to do better and improve the quality of your relationships. This will also put you in a more positive and loving mindset. You will realise how important your children are to you, and you will reconnect with the why (see the first section). As you express your love and tenderness, you will feel better, more positive about yourself and your children will be moved to learn from your example.
Here you are, better equipped to start the change. Radiance is here to support you and help you address your challenges. You can be the mother you dream of! You can give to the world the best of yourself! You can feel lighter every day! You can create a home that corresponds to your true nature!
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